


Falling Into You

by Sincestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincestiel/pseuds/Sincestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You want to know what happened, Past Dean?  You happened.  You looked up at me, your eyes pleading for redemption even as you cut into your current charge, as I descended into the pit and I was destined for this from that moment.  No, not destined.  Damned.  I was damned from the moment I laid eyes on you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Into You

**Author's Note:**

> I found a few minutes to polish this one up after my birthday dinner. It's super cliche and probably way overdone. But oh well. It was mostly finished anyway.

"How did you…" Dean starts, sitting gingerly on the edge of a chair in the corner of the small room, but then he chooses different words because he's never really sure how to speak to Cas and especially not this version of the angel, "What _happened_ , man? What happened to you?"

Dean can hardly stand to look at the man. And that's what he is now, without a doubt, utterly and completely human. And ragged and broken. Which isn't much of a change. Castiel, much like he and Sam, has always been just a bit broken. Not quite normal even by their standards.

But this Castiel? He's too much even for Dean. Or maybe not enough. Dean can't tell if he's different because he's less or because he's more than he was.

Cas shakes his head and slips to the floor a few feet away from him, a little baggie of pills grasped in his hand as he stares at the ceiling, lost in thought. Less. He's definitely less. This Castiel doesn't command the attention he once did. He isn't in charge and controlled (even when he's unsure of himself) like he once was. Like he _is_ , Dean corrects himself. Because this Cas isn't real, not like his Cas is. This is just a possibility, nothing is set in stone.

Dean isn't prepared when Castiel starts to speak. He isn't prepared for the strained and honest quality of Castiel’s voice or the words he releases slowly and then with more vehemence as he gains momentum.

"What happened," a dry, humorless laugh escapes him, but he bites it off and continues, "That's something you – the other you – has never asked me. But that might be because _that_ you doesn't care. Or maybe that you already knows. Guilt, I suppose, is a heavy burden to bear. You want to know what happened, Past Dean? You happened. You looked up at me, your eyes pleading for redemption even as you cut into your current charge, as I descended into the pit and I was destined for this from that moment. No, not destined. Damned. I was damned from the moment I laid eyes on you."

Castiel smiles at him, but it's so sad and he looks so lost. Dean's heart breaks a little for this shell of a man sitting in front of him. And he does feel guilty. This is his fault. Somehow, though he had no control over his rescue from hell, all of this is his fault.

Castiel lowers his eyes to the bag he's holding and his fingers shake as he pulls it open. Dean wants to stop him, reach out and snatch it away. But he can't move. What gives him the right anyway? The world Cas lives in now is difficult, to say the least. He's lost everything, and in a few hours, he might die. Because of Dean. Or a future version of himself anyway. Who is Dean to deny him what little escape he has?

"Tell me, Cas. What can I do? Tell me what to do or say to stop this from happening."

Cas picks out a small yellow pill and examines it for a minute before shrugging and sticking it to the end of his tongue. He swallows it dry and then meets Dean's eyes again. God, they're still so blue, even if they aren't as sharp and bright as they are in Dean's time.

"Not sure there is anything you can do to stop this. Sam says yes. He does it to save you, and he ends up causing us all a lot more pain than he would have by just letting them kill you," Castiel says it like Dean should know what he's talking about, and though Dean doesn't have all the details, he can guess. Sam would do anything for him, and vice versa. Even if it means the end of the world.

"But I'd rather have you alive and like _that_ than dead. So I can't blame him too much."

Dean sits back in his chair, thinking it over. And then he decides that he doesn't really need to know how to stop all of this from happening. He and Sam will figure that out. He just needs to know how to save Castiel. 

"And how do I stop this from happening to you? If it's my fault you end up like this, where did I go wrong? You can't have been destined for this from day one. So tell me what the turning point was. Tell me what to do."

He knows he sounds desperate, but he is. He could end up back in his time at any moment and he needs to know how to fix this.

Castiel tilts his head, so much like he does in Dean's time, curious and confused. He licks his lips and then leans back on his elbows so that he's looking up even farther to meet Dean's gaze. And then he grins, slow and playful and the expression is so out of place on his face that Dean is taken aback. Castiel doesn't look at him like that. Castiel doesn't look at anyone like that. Except maybe this Castiel does. And Dean kind of likes it.

"I don't think there's anything you can do to stop me from falling. I think that was always going to happen. I think you and I are, no matter what, fated to live our lives out together. Even when we're apart we're drawn to each other, and you know that as well as I do, even if you won't admit it."

Dean nods, because normally he might disagree, but this is important. This is his chance to save Castiel, truly save him, and Dean can't afford to lie to Cas or himself.

"But maybe you can keep us both from being so bitter. Maybe you can give us something to live for. Keep us from ending up here, where you're sacrificing everything you have left for one shot and I'm following behind just for the pleasure of being in your presence a little longer."

Dean leans forward, waiting for Castiel to impart his wisdom, but Cas remains quiet and watchful. Considering. He isn't sure if he wants to say what he needs to say. Maybe he's scared. Or maybe he doesn't think Dean really cares.

"I'm listening, Castiel," Dean uses his full name, something he rarely does, and waits, patience wearing thin.

Cas seems to come to some sort of conclusion and then says, "When the time comes, don't take me to the whorehouse. Take me to your bed instead."

Dean's mouth falls open and his mind blanks. That isn't… Dean can't. Cas is… he's a _guy_. And an angel. And Dean's just… He's not worthy. He doesn't deserve to have Castiel in his bed. And maybe this Cas would be okay with it, but he's not sure his Cas would be. Besides, he's already taken Cas to the brothel, for all the good it did.

"Too late," Dean chokes out, wincing as he drops his eyes to the floor to study the scuff marks on his boots, "Been there and done that already."

Castiel sighs and Dean hears him shift around, and then Cas' hands come into Dean's line of sight, falling over his own and gripping. Dean's gaze shifts and he stares at Castiel's hands clasped over his, shivers at the warmth that spreads through him.

"It doesn't matter. That was just a suggestion. My point is, stop denying what you want. Because even now, after everything's gone to hell, you still want it. You just can't admit it anymore. Not to yourself and certainly not to me. I'm going to fall either way. Just let me fall into you, Dean Winchester. Please, just let me fall into you."

Castiel goes quiet after that and his grip loosens. Dean's mind is racing a mile a minute, going over everything that's happened to them. All of the danger and life threatening situations. All of the quiet moments and lingering glances. All of the times Cas has stood just a little too close and it didn't bother Dean as much as he said.

The pill must be kicking in at this point, because Cas lets his hands slip away as he sinks all the way to the floor. He stares up at Dean, his eyes glazing over and his smile spreading wider. But even as the drugs work their way through his system, he keeps eye contact with Dean. It's reassuring and terrifying all at once. Castiel's future is in his hands. And for some reason, the weight of that is heavier than the knowledge that he has to save the world.

*~*~*

He has his brother back. And Castiel is himself again. And it's all such a relief that Dean almost just forgets what Future Cas said. Because forgetting is easier. And there's probably another way around it anyway. Isn't there always?

But as he lies in bed, listening to Sam's soft snores and snuffles, which is usually like a lullaby for him – because it means Sam is alive and okay and all is right in the world – he can't seem to doze off. He just keeps seeing Castiel's glazed eyes. Keeps hearing Cas say those words over and over again.

_Let me fall into you…_

With an annoyed huff, Dean slings his blanket off and pulls on his jeans and t-shirt. He's not sure what he's going to say, but he knows he needs to talk to the angel. Talk. God. Just the thought irritates him. But it has to be done. He has to figure this out and the sooner he starts the better.

Sam keeps snoring through Dean tiptoeing across the floor, and he's still out when Dean softly shuts the door behind him. Dean makes his way to the Impala. He leans on the hood with his arms crossed as he calls for Cas.

He's barely even closed his mouth when he hears the slight flapping of wings and there's a presence at his side.

"Zachariah hasn't found you again," Castiel says instantly, eyes scoping the parking lot around them even though he must sense they are alone.

"No. I just. I needed to see you. There's something we should discuss," Dean pauses, but Castiel just waits, content to let Dean carry them through the murky waters of a conversation Dean really doesn't want to have. When he realizes Cas isn't going to start this, and likely doesn't even know what Dean wants to talk about, he continues, "When I took you to the um… the brothel-"

Castiel cuts in then, voice soft and apologetic, "I am truly sorry, Dean. I am not accustomed to human desires. Pleasures of the flesh are not something I have ever experienced. This vessel seems to crave the contact, but I am unsure of how to obtain sustenance for those needs. I will figure that out, though. And I will not require further assistance."

Cas is looking at him, Dean can feel the weight of his stare, gauging his reaction. And finally Dean turns to look at him. He has to be able to see Cas for this.

"What if I offered further assistance? Personal, physical assistance. Just the two of us. Is that something… would you be interested? It won't be like being with a woman. Not at all. But I could make it good for you."

Castiel's expression doesn't change, but Dean thinks he sees a flicker of something in the depths of his eyes. And when his gaze wanders down and then back up Dean's body, a shiver runs through him. He can usually deny and suppress it, but it's there, always. It's always going to be there, this want he has for Cas. This utter need to have him, be close to him.

"Would you show me how to make it good for you as well? Can it be good for both of us?" Castiel asks, genuinely curious. And he seems calm, so serene, but Dean can tell he's on edge as well. He's breathing a little faster than normal, and his eyes are darker than Dean's ever seen them.

Dean thinks about how cold he is in the future. How he has nothing to live for. How he's willing to sacrifice everyone he knows, including himself, because life just holds no meaning to him with Sam gone and Castiel so out of reach.

Maybe this is what he needs. He needs a reason starting now. A reason that he chooses for himself. Maybe this could change it all.

"Honestly, Cas, I think it will be the best thing to happen to either of us in a long time. I think we could save the world."

Cas smiles then, just a hint of the smile he's capable of in the future, but there's no sadness in it and that makes it even more beautiful.

"World saving intercourse? If that is the case, I believe we should indulge as quickly as possible."

Dean laughs, almost too loudly, and Cas' smile grows wider, pride written all over his face for having caused Dean's mirth. And he looks hopeful in a way Dean's never witnessed before. Dean almost leaves it at that. But Cas deserves to know. He needs to understand what's happening, what's going to happen in the future. Dean has made his choice. Now Cas has to make his.

"I met you, the future you. You were… totally different," Dean says, all traces of laughter gone from his voice. "So was I. It wasn't pretty."

Castiel's mouth draws into a tight line, and he averts his gaze, locking on the vacancy sign to their left.

"I was… I end up human, don't I? A fallen angel. Useless," Castiel spits the last word, his jaw clinched tight as he sighs.

"Not useless. I just… Something happened to us, Cas. We weren't you and me anymore. Not like this. You fell, and, for some reason, I wasn't there to catch you. But it can't go down like that. I don't want it to. I've got some hang ups, but I'll work past them. I don't want you to end up some hippie druggie, and I don't want to be so cold and indifferent. And you said – future you – that the only way to stop it is to face things right now, before it's too late. I think… I think I'm supposed to be the _reason_ you fall and not just the cause of it. I want that. You should fall for lo- _something_ and not just because it happens. You know?"

"I…" Castiel starts, his voice quiet and unsure, "I am already falling, Dean. Slowly. I think I have been for a while."

"Since you blazed through hell to pull me out. Future you said as much. Do you… do you feel damned, Cas? Do you feel like I've ripped you away from Heaven?"

Quickly and abruptly, Castiel whips his head around, catching Dean's eyes and holding them through silent command. He isn't unsure in the slightest when he answers, "No. I feel like you've saved me, Dean. You could never be my damnation. The only reason I worry about falling is because it would mean I would be unable to offer you any sort of protection."

Dean closes his eyes against all the emotion he can see in Castiel, the normally stoic angel. He breathes deeply and then releases the air in a huge gust before facing Cas again.

"I don't need you to protect me, Cas. I just need you to stay _you_ and help me stay _me_. Or a gayer version of me anyway, I guess."

Castiel’s head tilts minutely to the side and he does that thing where he seems to stare into the deepest, darkest recesses of Dean’s soul. Usually, Dean would start complaining about personal space or privacy or something of that nature. But now he doesn’t. He’s not quite as worried about what Cas will see in him now. Though that familiar dread, the almost crippling fear, that Castiel will find him lacking in some way starts to creep in the longer he stares.

But that doesn’t happen. Instead, Cas’ eyes seem to soften and he takes a step closer. Dean fights the urge to jump away because he doesn’t really want to at all, reflexes aside.

“I will help, Dean. In any way that I can.”

Dean finds that his gaze is drawn to Castiel’s plush mouth and he finally admits to himself that he’s been wondering just how those lips would feel against his own. And, he figures, since they’ve already established that future sexcapades are imminent, a kiss can’t really hurt, can it? Even if more isn’t a possibility tonight.

Dean lifts his right hand and gently cups Cas’ cheek, his thumb brushes along Cas’ full bottom lip. He feels a shaky exhale over the pad of his thumb and he smiles. Cas is ruffled. Nice.

“This okay?” Dean asks, just to be sure.

Cas’ reply, “Yes,” is instant and a bit breathy.

And Dean doesn’t let himself think about it anymore. He leans in and brings their mouths together softly. Slowly. With more care than he has ever shown anyone else. And he would weep at how perfectly they seem to fit together. He would if he were the weepy type. As it is, he just feels a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he retreats from their chaste kiss.

“That was…” Cas starts, while Dean is still close enough to feel the breath wash over his chin, “amazing.”

Dean’s eyes open just as he starts to utter something way too cocky but the look on Cas’ face, awestruck and so thankful, stops him in his tracks. He digs deep and finds some honesty and sincerity instead.

“Yeah. It was pretty fucking spectacular.”

“We can do that again?”

“Whenever you want, Cas.”

“Now then,” he answers quickly. “Now would be perfect.”

Dean can’t really argue with that. And that’s how he ends up spending the rest of the night making out with a falling angel in a motel parking lot. _His_ falling angel.


End file.
